Short, Sweet & Boring

Happy Chinese New Year!

Year of the Dragon, I believe.
I don't know what that means but I assume it's a good thing if you were born in that year. I, myself, am a Horse. Having just looked this up on t'Interweb, this means I'm hardworking and, according to the ever faithful Wikipedia, I am an Earth Horse which will probably mean something, too.

As is tradition (I really don't like tradition), I'll be spending this weekend's visit to see my daughter watching the Chinese New Year Festival in Liverpool. It comes complete with a dragon parade and firecracker display. Always good fun to watch. However, as I write this, I can hear buffeting wind and lashing rain so it might not be all that fun.

This post is short, sweet and particularly boring.
The aim was to throw me into blogging mode a bit more.

It might work.

Rest In Peace, @littlemunchkin

Twitter has been reeling in utter shock today after hearing the sad news of the death of a dear Twitter friend, Lucy Taylor (@littlemunchkin). Lucy's sister tweeted on her account that Lucy had passed away in her sleep on Friday, 30th December 2011.

Lucy had an eating disorder which could cripple her for days but, when you read her upbeat, cheerful tweets, you would never think that was the case. She always brought a smile to her followers and never failed to cheer people up no matter how she was feeling herself. She even found the time to post some amazing recipes for all sorts of things on her blog.

Lucy used to post a Silly Question Of The Day without fail every single weekday. Every single question was different amassing a load of replies. It even had its own hashtag which trended on occasion.

She was friendly to everyone, constantly tweeting to celebrities and often getting replies. In her own way, she became a celebrity herself because of who she was.

A lot of people knew Lucy a lot better than me but, in the short time I did know her, I feel I gained a friend.

Lucy supported the eating disorder charity, B-eat, and helped raise money for them. Please donate in memory of this wonderful young lady.

Simply text the code UAUA05 followed by your donation amount from £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10 to 70070 – for example to donate £10 text UAUA05 £10

You'll be sorely missed, Lucy. Keep tweeting up there.

RIP x

Worry

I can't sleep.

An early night was on the cards tonight and I'm thinking it may have been the wrong choice.
I've been lying for two hours tossing and turning waiting to drop off but it isn't happening.
So, I've come down to type for a while and maybe send myself to sleep.

I don't know why I can't sleep.
Usually, it's because I'm worrying about something. Annoyingly, I never know what I'm worrying or concerned about... which makes it twice as bad.

Sometimes, I worry about not being happy.
This is totally against my current situation. Right now, I couldn't be happier. I have a gorgeous, caring, loving fiancée  A place to live which, ok, isn't the best, but it's "home". A decent job which pays well and which I enjoy. There is little to worry about.
My worry lies in the annoying "what ifs". What if all this just disappeared? What if all this fell apart and left me alone? These are all very unlikely "what ifs" but they're there, nonetheless, and they mess around with my head.
These worries and "what ifs" jeopardise my current happiness. The "what ifs" become ludicrous ideas that I don't want in my mind. Untruths haunt everything I do and feel and I need to get rid of them.

I think, because this is the happiest I've ever been, I'm frightened of being less happy.
My fiancée means the world to me. We were made for each other. Why worry about that leaving my life? It's not going to happen. However, it will if I continue to worry that it will. If I continue to worry, I'll become clingy and overprotective.

I guess this post is a way of me saying to myself, "Come on, Paul. Pull yourself together. Enjoy this happiness. Enjoy your life. It is what you make of it. You worry and it will be a life of worry without the happiness because you will have driven it all away."

So, this is it.
This is me pulling myself together.
I AM happy.
I'm going to STAY happy.

I don't do God.
I don't do religion.
But, if there is a higher power helping all us little people on Earth, give me a bit of a boost, will you?
I've had an up and down life these past few years and now I'm incredibly happy.
I'm getting married! I never thought that would happen.
So, yeah, don't let me mess it up. Help me enjoy it. Help me live my life with my lovely wife-to-be until we grow old together,

And now for the corniest ending to a post, but I need to listen to these words carefully:

"Don't worry. Be happy"

Sleep

I used to be quite a good "morning person".

I'd be quite happy to get up at some ridiculous hour and get on with the day as any other person would. I'd also be quite happy going to bed at a reasonable time and getting enough sleep.

Over the past few months, though, I've become less of a "morning person" and more of a "waking-up-at-a-stupid-hour-and-not-being-able-to-get-back-to-sleep-so-ending-up-being-grumpy-for-the-rest-of-the-morning person".

I don't know what's happened. I still go to bed at a reasonable hour (22:00 on average) and feel like I'm getting enough sleep. However, I'm waking up at around 05:30 with that horrible feeling of wanting to go back to sleep but cannot get comfortable. I toss and turn and eventually give up because it's too close to my waking up time. Then, by around midday, I'm shattered again.

Why 05:30??

Why can't I sleep that extra hour and a half??

It could be several things.

Cats - as lovely as they are and as much as I probably couldn't live without the two lovely things, they have a habit of cuddling up to us from the crack of dawn. It never used to wake me up but maybe it is now?

Dawn - It seems to be really early. As summer ends, will my sleep pattern get better?

Enough sleep? - Maybe I am getting enough sleep but having that sleep at the wrong time. I go to bed at 22:00 and wait up, on average, about 05:30. Seven and a half hours. That's reasonable. Maybe I should go to bed later. But I'm tired at 10. Do I force myself to stay up later?

I've been awake since 06:30 today and I'm not tired now. It's now 07:19.

I might try staying awake later. That might risk waking at the usual time and being ridiculously tired tomorrow but at least I'll have some sort of idea.

I expect, after reading this post, you'll also be ready for sleep.

Apologies.

Life is good

I’m two and a bit weeks into being engaged and I couldn’t feel happier. The situation I’m in right now with my new fiancée, my daughter and, indeed, my ex couldn’t really be much better. I must admit, the scariest thing about the whole “getting engaged” thing wasn’t asking my girlfriend the big question. That went smoothly and, being a little modest, I had a feeling the answer would be positive. The scariest thing was what the reaction would be from my 10-year-old daughter, who lives with her mum.

I was dreading making the call.
I wasn’t going to put it off, though. She would have to be told at some point and, whatever her reaction was, I would have to deal with it appropriately.
Her mum and I have got on so much better over the last couple of years and moving on certainly hasn’t been a problem. However, I was still nervous of the reaction I would get from her. Again, though, whatever happened would have to be dealt with as nothing was going to change the fact that I was now engaged to be married.

So, I went for it… and was pleasantly surprised and relieved at the reaction from both of them.
My ex admitted shock at first but then said she was pleased for us both, which was good. I then spoke to my daughter and got a positive reaction. I had discussed the prospect with her previously and she was ok with the idea so I was glad that continued and she was happy for us. I’m hoping learning that I’m continuing to move on will help her allow her mum to move on in the same way.

Life is good.
I’m getting married!
To the most wonderful girl I’ve ever met.
I’ve always rushed into decisions and, most of the time, they’ve turned out to be the wrong ones (my family will confirm this). This time, though, it’s something I couldn’t be more sure of.

My future is bright.

OUR future is bright.